Week 4

National identity deals with where you hold citizenship. It is a legal status of home but I feel there is a mental aspect to it as well. It makes me feel like Nick Hornby’s character, Rob Flemming in the novel High Fidelity. “I didn’t belong at home. I didn’t want to be long at home. But at least home is someplace I know.” Though I have lived in America my entire life, it has been home in the practical sense but I have never felt like I belonged. There is a part of me that has always longed for foreign shores.

When I arrived in London, I was slightly worried that I would be judged for being American. I have always felt guilty about my nationality and have thought about expatriation since I was old enough to know the word and concept existed. England has been high on my list of countries that I would move to. London earned a place in my heart when I visited it last year. To be honest, I could have cared less what classes were offered through this program. It was an excuse to come and stay in a city I loved for a prolonged period of time. I also have strong family ties to Norway and long considered making the move there permanent. When asked what I am, I’ve always answered with “My family is Norwegian.” It’s only since coming abroad that I have had to respond with “I’m American.” No one has reacted negatively and a few folks, though admittedly drunk pub goers, have given happy exclamations and proclamations of their love of Americans.

While I have been positively surprised by people’s opinions on Americans, all the study I have done here has furthered my desire to leave the country of my birth. I am still in the same place as when I left. My views on my national identity are still tied to my political and moral viewpoints. A Capitalistic country like America is no place for a Socialist like myself. Another country is still the answer for me.

My interactions with the English have shown me that they are not as anti-American as I assumed, but it hasn’t made me feel any better about my national heritage. I acknowledge that I am privileged to have grown up in a nation with such a high quality of life but it is in my nature to focus on the negative. I don’t think my identity will be any different when I return to the States. I’ve been planning a move to London and assuming a new national identity for the past year. If anything this trip as cemented that idea even more firmly in my mind. The only changes I can see anyone remarking on would be a new vigor. No one will be surprised. More people will be surprised that I returned at all. My friends and family know my nature. If leaving the USA for a new country where I have a better sense of belonging has been an active plan since I was 15, it should be no surprise that fulfilling that dream on a small scale would spur on the full scale model.